My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
