And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
