Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
