She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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