hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
