I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
