I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
