Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
