The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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