he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
