I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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