Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
