I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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