last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
