This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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