I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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