Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
