Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
