gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
