Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
