I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
