Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
