You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
