Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
