This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
