i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
