It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
a search helicopter?!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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