Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
