Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
