What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
