I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
