i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
