remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
