She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
