People in love make me want to vomit
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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