I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
