I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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