Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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