Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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