I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
