Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ugly people sure do ruin things
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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