Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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