I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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