Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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