Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The uberlube is also flammable
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
