can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
