Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
