She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
