i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
