omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
