I bet he comes in French.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
