While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
