I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Come share oat with me in your robe
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
