im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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