3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
