I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
