I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
